20 For behold, I have workings in the spirit, which doth weary me even that all my joints are weak, for those who are at Jerusalem; for had not the Lord been merciful, to show unto me concerning them, even as he had prophets of old, I should have perished also.
I have already discussed how exhausting particularly
spiritual experiences can be (see 1 Nephi 17:47). Nephi’s close call of not
being in Jerusalem when it fell could also contribute to this overwhelming
feeling of relief. What intrigues me about this verse is Nephi’s apparent
wonder at his prophetic calling. He almost seems in awe that he would receive
visions and revelations, even as the prophets of old did. It must be humbling
indeed to find yourself in the same company as prophets that you have been
studying.
I have a little experience to relate with this. I have had exhausting
spiritual experiences as well, but this verse reminds me of a time in an art
museum. When I was working on my graduate degree at Indiana State University (MFA,
1999) I used to go with my family to St. Louis where we would go to the temple,
then visit the zoo, the science museum, and the St. Louis Art Museum. I was
focusing my research at the time on the art and artists of Impressionism, and
was especially taken with the work of Edgar Degas and Mary Cassatt. So the
first time we went to this art museum I stumbled across the Impressionist room,
a whole room of nothing but Impressionist art. I was overwhelmed to be in the
same room as these originals created by my artistic heroes: Degas, Cassatt, Manet,
Monet, Gauguin, Van Gough, and the others. I probably spent a half hour to 45
minutes in that room alone, studying and absorbing. Time meant nothing to me
just then, so I really don’t know how long I was there while Sheri and the
children looked at other things throughout the museum. It’s not like this was
the first art museum I had ever gone to, but I think it was the first I had
ever truly appreciated. After awhile I couldn’t take it anymore. My brain just
could not absorb any more. I found Sheri and told her I had to leave, that I couldn’t
look at any more art that day. So we left without exploring most of the museum.
The reason this verse in 1 Nephi reminds me of that
experience is because Nephi seems to just be amazed that he could be in the
same category as his heroes, like I felt that day: humbled, awed, and amazed
that I was on the same path as my artistic heroes. Nephi never loses that sense
of wonder throughout his ministry. He truly was a humble man, and verses like
this give us some small insight or a glimpse into his character. This is also
Nephi acknowledging that he is a prophet. So in the last few chapters we have
seen a progression, starting with the broken bow story in chapter 16 (and
actually before that chapter when he pretty much took direction from his
prophet father), we have seen Nephi go to his father for direction (where to
find food), to Nephi receiving the ship plans by his own revelation, to him
being the only one, or the key person to operate the Liahona (on the stormy
sea), to now he has acknowledged that he has received the same prophetic
revelations as all the other prophets who went before him. Nephi is the prophet
by the time he writes this verse. There seems to be no question that he has that
testimony.
- Daniel 10:8 (8–12)
- 1 Nephi 17:47
- Alma 27:17
